BEN_BENITALS_FTW

im an angry person, have been for a long time. it might be because anger, sadness(I AM NOT QQ), and extreme joy are all i know. so if im not happy then im angry pretty much, i dont really have an inbetween, nor do i see one, there are only black and whites in my life(again IM NOT QQ). i dont like being affected by my emotions, ive bottled them up for 17 years and thats not healthy, and now when a new emotion, like contempt, remorse, and maybe even love(i still need to figure if its that) comes along i have no idea what it is or what to do with it, i feel like i switched jobs with a brain surgeon in the middle of an operation
i have changed more in the past two weeks then i have in all my years alive, and its all thanks to two girls(yes, im not gay, surprising i know). and whats awesome is that they both have taught me so much in the same area of my life, if no one knew im EXTREMELY self confident about my self, my self image is so bad that i dont like meeting new people at all for fear of what they might think. its still pretty bad but ive had alot of conversations and im learnin that i need to be happy with myself if anyone else is ever gonna. my self image hasnt improved that much but im not in to what others think any more. im ready to tell people what i think, feel, believe regardless of what they might think, cause for the longest time what someone thought about me made me made me never share my emotions, i always kept everything to myself. i did that because to me what someone thought about me made me really happy and unbelievably scared shitless, cause 'WHAT IF THEY DONT LIKE ME" or "WHY DONT THEY LIKE ME" would always be my first thought, but not anymore.

i have so much more to say but the way it would come out no one would understand it, if you really read through all this and care, then there'll be more latter. once i figure out how to say it

and please, no negative comments, cause i dont care and ill just delete them


and its fucked up to to not respond when someone opens up to you, fucking danny

this is an open question to anyone and everyone, you can reply anonymously if you want, but heres the question and a description: why do you get absolutely shit faced drunk? what/ how does it make things more enjoyable? it may be fun now but what about the next day? is it really worth it just to feel good for a few hours? and also why do you drink at all besides the social factor? if your friends didn't drink would you? heres why: i was talking(text) with this person (lets call them sally)and she would text me sometimes when she was drunk and i would ask her why she was. her response was always cause thats what her friends wanted to do. she told me that she really doesn't have fun getting drunk or really like the taste of beer. so i cant help but wonder why?






on a more friendlier note: kickball!! maybe tuesday?

so ive realized what i really want to accomplish in the next year or so. i want to be able to run really really fast for a awhile. im not talking about being able to finish a marathon, i want to out run anyone at full speed, im talking about track running here! its lame i know but its the only thing in my mind that i want

i meant to add this in my last post, but i hate not sleeping!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



oh and happy birthday duel

i found this sweet training style thing from france. it called Parkour, its pretty much running from point a to point b like your being chased by zombies from 28 weeks later, so when you do have to flee an area or escape you know how to do it really fast. there are other forms called free runnin(pretty much the same thing but just for fun) and Yamakasi(same thing but more into tricks), but parkour is all about overcoming obstacles and challenges(like walls and huge gaps) fast so you can get to point b. the way it was deacribbed by David Belle( the founder of pretty much all of this) is that in a fight you can either speak and resolve it, fight, or flee. so if you train you have the best advantage of putting distance between you and someone or closing in on someone. he states that martial arts prepares you for the fight, but parkour prepares you for the flight.

this is what it looks like( all three kinds):










this ones Australians:



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heres the wiki page, you should read it:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parkour

this always makes me smile:

i cleaned up but to no avail. i stll have chocolate on my forarms!

can i just say something? im an idiot! i decided not to wear socks today and was fine till i went to work. i have line of blisters across my heel






fuck 31 cent scoop night!!

i dont usually get into the flashy shoes but these really caught my eyes:

today was pretty dope. found out 10minutes before i left that i was broke so i didn't get to eat at the casbah just enjoy some free water while a talked to a few of the people that worked there. had a decent session, landed a new trick which was cool! last one i did bent my tail, its not broken just not as confident in takin abuse anymore. highlight!!= found my keys! they've been down there for like 2 months but luckily i found them. went to bicas and found some sweet new bike parts =).



i don't want to work 31cent scoop night =(

im gonna be skatin downtown tomorrow so if you wanna come im gonna be at the casbah at noon enjoying some delicious lunch. maybe ill see someone there, but whatever i dont care what you do

before new schedule is up................
kickball next wednesday?

if you guys havn't heard of them check them out, i very luckily came across them a while ago




http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=45074267

again i know im really behind the times here: just beat portal(20min ago). really short. :(
it was fun but the story made no sense, not that thats a bad thing just disappointing. lots of fun, got stuck on this one level and wanted so bad to finish it, finally figured it out. and dying in that game didn't piss me off just made me want to find the answer even more.



i think i'm done with movies and tv shows, prob. get back into games

i just wrote one of the most badass things i've ever written without thinkin it.

kickball this next friday!!! do it! you know you want to


but before that IRON MAN THURSDAY AT MIDNIGHT!! I DON'T CARE WHAT YOUR DOING JUST BE THERE!!
IF YOUR BROKE ASS IS BROKE THEN COME ANYWAY, ILL FIND A WAY TO GET YOU IN, HELL I'LL PAY!!!!!!!!!!!!

imma throw this out there kickball tommorow night. possible? idk just an idea(an awesome one at that)

i remember why i dislike soda, i just drank bout 4\5 cans in like 10min. i need to stock up on things that have flavor but less sugar, ie: juice, water, and stuff. it's not about the flavors as much as its about doin somethin that causes a sensation within my body.

goodbye dexter, you were good to me kept me entertained for three days. now what? any other good tv shows out there?